Hard to say

I've been doin much thinkin in the past and finally after playin it off and pushin everything to the side, keepin busy with house work, kids and odds n ends, he it is. Everyone has a past and no matter what everyone has come out of it ok or soso, so while a few ppl know certain things about mine no one in particular knows everything about me. After keeping it inside for many years and really acting as if I was normal in everyway well here it is... IM Not in so many ways. The past holds a fact and that is that I was raped. I took him to court and at the hearing got scared and ran, well theres more it happened more than that time and by someone else whom I looked up to. Damn this is harder than I thought as I sit here writting this tears are welling up, My oh so loving Brother, yes I said it the one person who I looked up to and who took me under his wing as his sister and was my everything when I was younger took full advantage of me and had no remorse. No it's not a joke or a copy it happened and yes if u would have asked I would have been hesitant but I would have told u and only u! Anyways I'm shaking so I wont go into details with that but at 15 I grew up and took full care of a friend with 2 failed marriages, 2 kids and MS, so yes it's life I had it happen and for sonmehow, some reason I moved on and now at 25 I have 3 kids, a husband whom I cant talk to, and a life that some may want but it's nothing special. I like where I am now and through the strength of others have been able to go forward with life and act as if it didnt happen or let it bother me til now, hmmm. WEll there ya have it, it's whats been eating at me but I'm not letting it effect me any longer and I will continue to grow and be the best I can b. It's life I lived through it for so long I can continue to live through it until I die!!!