Letter to Brayden

Hello my sweet little Angel,

Hope your days in Heaven are the best. Well my son, one year ago today you went to live with God. Not a day goes by that I don't think in some way about you and wish for a moment I was back in the delivery room holding you in my hand. Just 3 weeks prior to your departure from this earth, I heard your little heartbeat loud and strong. Then it all happened.

The morning of June 29, 2008 I awoke with severe abdominal pains. Contacted the doctor who instructed me to rest for a few weeks and everything would be OK, boy were they wrong! The pains continued throughout the day and even after your daddy noticed them, a quick trip to the ER is was I got. After countless hours and pains progressing, we received the the news that our little boy was no longer alive. I will never forget the look on the ultrasound techs face when he said there was nothing else he could do, he was just sorry for our loss. I was in shock and moreover denial. For the longest time thought is was something i had done or not did as a mother. I was supposed to protect you, instead I lost you.

Once admitted to the hospital, I delivered you at 5:03 AM on June 29, 2008. Yes today you turn 1. Happy Birthday my son. The best feeling after the trauma was holding you in my hand for 45 minutes and trying to imagine who you looked like, to me it's your daddy. I just couldn't get over how peaceful you seemed and how perfect you looked. The nurses and doctor took good care of you and we made arrangements to have you cremated after we left the hospital.

Me and you Dad received two pictures of our precious son and a crib card along with a blanket that they took your picture on-- yes you have your own blanket. Daddy didn't want them but I took them anyways. I carried your cards and pics around for a while til Mr.Jeff made you a shadow box to hang in the nursery with all your belongings and info inside. As I was being wheeled out of the hospital, we went past the nursery and I tried looking for you. I refused to leave but realized I had to. It took a few weeks to get past the extreme emotions and loneliness of not having you, but understand we had to in a way to care for your big brothers.

If they only knew. And one day they will, I promise. Your oldest brother Noah is such a big helper and a daddy's boy. He's independent and shows your other brother Zach everything he knows. Wish you were he to follow in their footsteps. Zachary is almost tow now and is 100 miles an hour, just imagine how you would be. It's amazing how much they draw to your daddy everyday, I guarantee you would also he's an awesome father.

Think you'd be happy to know that in a few months you will be a big brother. We are expecting your little sister Brooklynn in early September and if you listen close enough you may hear her yell a few times. We don't have the ability to be there for your first everything like when you learn to ride a bike or say your first words or make funny faces but the moments we had with you are priceless. I'd give anything to have you back but God deemed it necessary to make you an angel earlier than we had expected but I know you made a fine one. One thing I regret not doing when I had the chance, is telling you I Love You. We all do son and you are greatly missed. But regardless we are here thinking of you, waiting til the day we meet again. Take care and watch over your siblings like the angel I know you are, until next time Mommy Loves You.


Love Mommy