Updating Braydon

Hey lil man,
Well I figured I would give you an update as to what's going on in this here far land called earth. We registered ur big brother Noah for school and he is super excited to go, so wish I could register you for kindergarten in a few yrs but I'm sure you will learn everything u need to know from those above:) Zach is acting like a crash victim and a sycamore tree, he runs into everything and has a black eye and bruises, but he's a boy, right. And ur sister has baby PMS she is on a constint roll but is growing so fast. She crawls, messes up the DVD's and trries to stay one step ahead of everyone else. At 7 months she amazes me, well as did all of u kids. Daddy got his probation switched and we can now travel and live like a normal family, unlike the last few years, it's been a mess for your sibilings just glad they are small enough to not really know what that whole situation was about. Last Thursday we lost a great man, friend and employee of our business that me and Daddy own, his name is Patrick Buchanan ( Patty Wack), if ya see him lat him know who u r, he'll take care of you like he did ur brothers and sister. He loved them and I can remember them rolling on the floor laughing and tickeling each other and playin like boys do. He was the best trackhoe operator around and to only be 20 he had a great head on his shoulders and awesome potential to succeed in whatever he wanted and that was to be outside running equipment and possibly the business when me and ur Daddy went on vacation, he was a honest trustworthy kid who I thought of as a little big brother, he was simply amazing. Now our relationship hadn't always been that way, when he first started working for your dad about 3 yrs ago, I couldn't stand him. Thought he was the most arrogent, self-centered, disrespectful kid around. He would damage something and not say a word, leave early and not return for work for days. But after his near death experience a yr ago it changed him like 360 type of change. He turned into someone I wanted and liked to be around and could trust him with ur brothers. He was responsible, hard working and a leader. He was more than a friend he was family and now our business will never b the same without patty wack. I would call him the night before work and give him instructions and the next morning i would get a call about updates and when I showed up on the site, he would b updating me again. He would use his radio to talk crap to each other and crack jokes about everyone else, we had a blast. You would have enjoyed his company also, well now you can and I'm sure you'll giggle and him just like we did the years we had him here. i have to get ur brothers ready and stop ur sister from crying again, all so Mommy can have away from kid time and enjoy lunch with ur Aunt Bebe, you would love her also, we sure do!( She's Zach's girlfriend), atleast that's what he says :)

Love you so much and can't wait to see you again, take care my little angel and continue to watch over your family as we wait to meet you again:)

Love, Mommy

Hard to say

I've been doin much thinkin in the past and finally after playin it off and pushin everything to the side, keepin busy with house work, kids and odds n ends, he it is. Everyone has a past and no matter what everyone has come out of it ok or soso, so while a few ppl know certain things about mine no one in particular knows everything about me. After keeping it inside for many years and really acting as if I was normal in everyway well here it is... IM Not in so many ways. The past holds a fact and that is that I was raped. I took him to court and at the hearing got scared and ran, well theres more it happened more than that time and by someone else whom I looked up to. Damn this is harder than I thought as I sit here writting this tears are welling up, My oh so loving Brother, yes I said it the one person who I looked up to and who took me under his wing as his sister and was my everything when I was younger took full advantage of me and had no remorse. No it's not a joke or a copy it happened and yes if u would have asked I would have been hesitant but I would have told u and only u! Anyways I'm shaking so I wont go into details with that but at 15 I grew up and took full care of a friend with 2 failed marriages, 2 kids and MS, so yes it's life I had it happen and for sonmehow, some reason I moved on and now at 25 I have 3 kids, a husband whom I cant talk to, and a life that some may want but it's nothing special. I like where I am now and through the strength of others have been able to go forward with life and act as if it didnt happen or let it bother me til now, hmmm. WEll there ya have it, it's whats been eating at me but I'm not letting it effect me any longer and I will continue to grow and be the best I can b. It's life I lived through it for so long I can continue to live through it until I die!!!

Going thru memories

Ha I don't ever blog anymore more less from lack of thoughts to write. Well just to start DUKE is the team, just makin it known. Decided to try and wash my truck today and then got completely sidetracked when after going through baby B's room I discovered more things that needed to b placed in the shed. So out we went me and my sidekick Noah to wash mommy's truck only to clean the shed. I proceeded to go thro bags of clothes that had belonged to my 2 yr old and some that were bought for my lil angel brayden ( yes ur mother finally parted with your belongings) :( anyways, I have baged up the clothes and moved on to going through boxes only to find pics of noah when he was a baby and all his hospital tags, etc..... Upon going thru boxes I found a journal from when I was like 15.... WOW!!!! It was odd but realy good to read considering I only used the journal for like 5 days, yeah I know sooo much writing.... It had an insert about my younger years and how ppl view God and how I viewed him and that my faith was not nearly as strong as it should be and so forth, kinda boring but was nice to see hwat I thought about back then even though so much was going thru my little head back then. I think I will continue to write in it now that I have another one that needs to b used as well. If only I could remember or much less find time since I am so far behind in the kids' baby books and keeping up with the memories we have shared and the new ones to be made. Yesterday was Noah's bday party and it's undescribable how much excitement was on his face and the fun he had bowlin and sharing fun with his friends, just amazing. So glad that after all the times I yell and get on him about numerous things, that deep down their is hope of sharing joys together with him and just relax and enjoy the time we have together since he seems to grow more and more everyday. I really need to slow down and make more time for my children and take the time to show them the things they need to know and stop doing everything for them instead show then and teach and grow with them more, just enjoy them is all I really need to do. Well speaking of time to take, I am taking this time to go and spend with my oh so loving hubby layin on the couch watchin the news , so to all who views this may this not be the last blog I write but it is what it is for now. Boring or not it's a blog and it's mine..... So see ya later!!!!!