Been a while

Well hallur there figured since i am sitting here at work with the plant shut down I figured i would jot down a lil bit of what has been going on. First off, about 3.5 yrs ago I misscarried my son adn that was the silent start of my marriage deteriorating. We have since stopped going to church, doing family functions, and have even discussed divorce. Now all of this has had a negative affect on the children and us as well. I had recently started working about 4ish months ago just to get out of the house, to get away from him and the kids just so I could put off actually having to be a "Mom" and Wife. That has not made me feel any better about anything thats been going on. i have pushed the kids away which is never a good thing considering they were placed in my care by God to be raised in his word and loved for all there days on this earth and yet I have taken that for granted and pretty much abandoned it. I have done things that I am not proud of and not loving my children enough is one of them, turning my back on my husband and our marriage is another. About 3 weeks ago we recieved a call saying my husbands granny and mother were both in failing health, we both pretty much pushed that to the side and carried on with our seperate lives. When I say seperate I refer to the fact that it had gotten to the point that I felt like we were mearly roomates vs. wife and husband. 2 weeks ago we got another call that his mother had fallen for the second time and broke her hip and was in impatient rehab and that his granny was in the hospital for hallucinating and bad health. Well earlier this week we got yet another call stating mom is home and doing rehab and granny has leacions on the brain indicating mini strokes and may not make it to Christmas. Well everyone that knows us knows that we always travel to TX for x-mas to spend with his family, well that has been moved up to a Thanksgiving trip. Yes i realize it's only a few weeks away but number crunching and dates have been set and the kids are sooo excited to be flying in an airplane this time. When it comes to his family we ahve always put that perfect family picture out there to be painted and looked at, regardless of what we have been going thru or feel towards each other we always come together for the holidays. needless to say we have started coming together on things and acting like a real family again. We both take responsibilty when it comes to the bills, kids, and money and each other. We have been spending more time with the kids both as a family and one on one, making financial choices with each others opinion counting, and have really remebered what it was like when we first got married 4 yrs ago. I took some ailing family members to finally make us wake up and realize we were destroying each other and not knowing it.

This past Tuesday we recieved another blow (just as i was beginning to think we were returning to normalcy) my husband has lost his job. Yes the man of the house the one that made triple what I do no longer has an income. Talk about a major blow to a Christian man when the man of the house is always the breadwinner and now those roles have been switched before our eyes. We still have the business and my full time job so we shall be ok. We have each other and our children. I can look at this in a few different ways and say that this is God's way of making us work together and making us rely on the ones we married and building up our leaning marriage. We have taken some actions and now we continue to move forward and be there for each other as well as our children. I want my children to have both of their parents around for them and not just on visitations, want to be able to feel like that old fashioned american family who works, cooks, and does homework together, that plays ball with their children that teaches their kids new things and that worships together. I have managed to keep my kids intact, to build up my marriage and i am proud to say I have an amazing husband that is super smart in medicine, knows how to build a company up and takes leadership to a whole nother level. I know what he is capable of doing and so does he and this will just be a minor setback, he will bouce back with the grace of God. Our next step is getting back into the swing of Faith and instilling into our children that church is an important part of their everyday lives. We work great together and even in hard times manage to come out on top, and this upcoming trip will be a binder for our family like it alwasy is. enuf rambling and such time to return back to work and watch rocks!!!