Questions with hate

Growing up we were always taught that hate was a very stong and not so often used word. We were taught that you may dislike someone but you don't hate them... well friends I beg to differ on this one. Yes hate is a very strong word and I can't say as I have ever hated anyone up til this point but that has changed. I have tried and tried to find a different outlook on this situation and this particular person but to no evail has that happened. It's simple I HATE YOU! I hate not only you but the actions you have taken.

When I decided to have children, having a girl was totally out of the question. Until it happened! I have a beautiful, 13 month old who is the light of my world and I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe from evil and people that I can't trust.

It started out that 3 yrs ago I met this wonderful woman and started a friendship that was unlike no other. She's amazing on every level and the bond wasn't instant but it's sure to still be there. Along the way i've gotten to know her a little more over the years and know that every person has a story of some sort to tell, well I got insight into her story and trust me it wasn't easy hurdeling over the walls and road blocks along the way but we have managed some way some how to keep moving forward. When her story came to light, everything changed inside of me for good. Instead of just being her friend I felt like I needed to be her protector, to help her overcome some obsticles and make sure no other was going to put their hands all over her again. Some things have come up and we have drifted very apart but thru it all has been her best friend whom I am ever so grateful for, someone who has been there to guide her, walk with her, be here protector and be her friend. Someone who has not turned their back on her when she needed them the most, just someone to be a confadont and stand up for her. I appreciate that!

Despite the walls and such, I was able to get to know her a little more until more walls came up. but in that time I learned some things that were disturbing to say the least and by whom made it worse. Now I have a story and all just like everyone else but it's different in a sense that I felt the need to take her and make her my own and block the evil from ever touching her or getting to close for comfort. We all know that was impossible but it was what I believed. Everything seemed to be going ok, she has a very good support system and loving family until he showed back up yet again. He's that pesky annoying knat that flies in ur fae in summer time, but he stays year round.

He had some issues and seeked out my help, advice is what he got since people say everyone deserves a second chance. Well yes but under certain circumstances, but I used him. I got out of him what I needed and them the hate returned, this time not only hate but anger and furry. To the point that he tried his damndest to drive a wedge in between me and friends ( this has happened before but by others) and yet someway somehow we manage to be ok. In which case I was ok until this pass Wednesday night when on arrival to church I noticed he was present, it didnt really bother me until I walked into the church and behind the door he was standing.lurking.waiting. Once inside the nursery with my daughter safely in my arms, it hit me like a ton of bricks, the anger and rage and a run of emotions. Which resulted in me departing from the building earlier than I had anticipated. And at that time I was reassured that something was brewing and he woud be departing for good. No longer to sit amongst my children adn others. no longer to be lurking behind doors and waiting to conjure up some type of plan t obring her back into his life and drive out those she needs and wants to be a part of her present and future while he is her past. Needless to say he made his face and presence known yet again yesterday. Totally unexpected and with no way to run I was yet again forced to sit amongst his nasty presence and worship with him in my eyesight. And knowing he and his wife had the nerve to try and contact me twice since the wednesday incident is just uncalled for. U do not deserve to be amongst small children, you do not deserve to be amongst us as a congregation nor do you deserve to still be walking amongst us as citizens whom are free and brave yet you do deserve to have what is coming to you.

I have seen my friend at her highest and her lowest and neither are very pretty. But regardless she pushes forth because she has to, she has to survive, she has to provide the reassurance to herself and to be her childrens protector as well as the voice of millions of others. And I applaud you for that. You have protected many by lettign your story be known and not only my daughter, your daughter but other little girls who may come into contact with him and you have let it be known that he is not the person he is portrayed to be. He is a disgrace to many and I am truely sorry that it has happened to you and what you have ot live with on a daily basis and yes I understand that if it makes me feel anger that you are feeling the effects 100x over. And I am sorry. I appreciate you speaking to me and allowing me to be a part of your life and for having the trust in me as I have in you that until the day we die that our children will be protected as much as possible by both of us.

Five minutes in a room is all I want with him. Hell that's probably all I can handle at this point with him in my presence. I have gotten the confession out of him, the fact that he addmitted what he did was wrong. Now since you have showed no remorce for what you have done, yet you confessed and said that you have told her sorry many times and that you would have a full paycheck for all the times you said sorry.. My fear is ur lying yet again. Considering I have a conversation between you too and you show no type of I'm Sorry what-so-ever, I believe you should rot. If I could have a few minutes with him, I would look him in the eye and ask why, why did u feel the need to take a childs life from her to take her child hood away, something she can't ever get back? Why did you see the need to get your friends involved? To get your cousins in on it? Instead of being her big brother you were her big nightmare, you destroyed her, you took full fledge advantage of her and yet you refer to her as your sister and you as her brother. Nowhere does it say that it's ok to abuse your sibling and get away with it, nowhere does it say you get to rape her over and over and that it's ok. Well did you get your pleasure out of it? Was she that good that you had to feel the need to share? The fact that she is drop dead gorgeous now, does that get to you? The fact that she looks 10x better now than she did, do you fantasise about that? Wishing you could still get your hands on her now, dont you? The need to blackmail her with it years later, the way of always being a recurring face in her dreams and while she's awake. Hell, I bet while your with you wife your thinkin bout how you used to have ur way with ur sister, aren't u? You sit there and say that your wife swears you ruined sex for her, bet u didnt know that thats true with your sister, not only that but you ruined alot for her. You tramatized her tramendiously and yet you don't care one bit. Was it worth it? All the years of you getting yours, was that worth it? The way that she has to piece her life back together while you carry on with yours as if you are king tut and the world owes you something, well hate to break it to you but you owe her something. you owe her the childhood you stole from her from the many years of abuse, the many times you took advantage of situations and placed her in situations that would benefit you and make her feel like she did someting wrong. The many times people have talked shit about her and made you look like the innocent bystander and made her seem as if she was the nasty one, like she is the one that committed the crime and in fact it was you. Did you not feel the need to step up and be the man and say yes I did it and now I am willing to accept what consequences are coming my way? No, no u didn't. To know that you have no thought process on how you should address this issue or that you were in the wrong, simply stating that u said you were sorry to her, is that suppossed to make everything all better? Is that suppossed to reassure her that her life can move on now? Is she suppossed to be reassured that she can sleep at night without waking up seeing your face, or thinking about what you have done to her? The fact that she can't be who she wants because of you, should make you feel like shit but I bet it doesn't. The fact that me as her friend, as a person who loves her in more ways than you will ever know, can't look at her without seeing your face or having a particular scene replayed in my mind just knowing it was you that hurt her so bad makes me see red. makes me want you dead and your only savign grace is her. The one you destroyed, is the one who wont let me harm you. THe one that you deteriorated, assulted, raped, humilitaed, made to feel unwanted, made to feel as if she was worthless, made to feel as if she needed men and that she wasnt good enough, won't allow me to kill you. Only because our children dont need to see me in jail because of a worthless piece of shit like you.

I say our children because I have been a part of her kids lifes since they were young and dont plan on stopping now. The Princess means everything to me, the way she interacts with others and the thought process of a little one yet she seems like she is well into her teen years. She amazes me every time I see her. And Mr. Dynamite himself is just a mess, that it reminds me of somethings I used to do when I was younger. One last and very important question to him would be... Have you ever touched her daughter? It's something that I don't want to know but in a sense I do because that's the nail in your coffin. I swear if you touched the Princess there is no saving grace for you, no one to stand in my face and say you need to leave him alone and let it go, no one to say that I need to handle this in a respectful mannor... Only me and him and I will be the only walking out alive. I can be sure of that.

If you read this and I'm sure you will, I have had questions that I have wanted to ask him for some time now. I feel like now is as good a time as any but I don't trust myself to confront him right at the moment because of the anger and the threat that I may do bodily harm to him, and have no remorse for my actions. I hate that noone protected you, that no one was there for you throughout your years as a young child, that you had no one to turn to becasue of him nad that you felt the way you have for the majority of your life becasue of what he has done to you. I am sorry. I am overjoyed that you have come into my life and have made your presence known, I appreciate all that we have been through, both good and bad becasue it makes me realize we are people and that there are going to be things that we need to overcome and who better to go thru life together than with someone who has been there and done that. I appreciate the fact that no metter what, you are there and I respect the fact that it takes you some time to handle things but that you dont give up. You haven't given up on us and I am surely not the easiest to deal with but you manage just fine. You have been there for me and my family especially the kids and I am thankful for that. You have walked into my life with no thought of walking out and you have changed me, more than you will ever know. I am thankful, greatful and blessed to have ever been able to meet you much less spend the last couple of years being called your friend, I have hurt you and I have caused you pain and yet we move past that, but I stand my ground and keep my word that I willl not leave your side again, EVER! You are stuck with me for good. I am greatful that you have your friend and that she has been the backbone in getting you picked up off the deepths of the darkest hole and brought you back into the light, something I was unable to do because of the feeling I have for you. I'm glad you are able to openly speake and get it out there to people outside your circle and are slowly lowering your walls to those you feel need to know, and that you keep chugging along and protecting our children both boys and girls. It takes little steps and that is exactly what you are doing. Little steps at a time add up over time and I don't ecpect you to be rid of this tomorrow because that takes time also and everyone in their own situations is different and I give you a standing ovation for being the strong, most amazing and beautiful woman I know. I love you Beautimustful !!